I was in that half-sleep/half-awake state of being on Saturday night and the fact that we had been drinking since 6, first at Steven's sister's wedding, which was very nice - although we were told we weren't gay enough, hmmm and then at Mary's where we did a little karaoke and had a great time...Mary's is one of those classic neighborhood bars where you actually stand amongst the crowd and sing your songs...crowd participation is mandatory and often drowns out the singer, sometimes thankfully so. Rebounding from my digression...so I'm back in my half-sleep/half-awake state of mind and find myself having an epiphany. Here's some background...I'm consistently in a state of flux with my career, my relationships (lack there of), me feeling like I'm sinking in the sand, running in place, using too many clichés, so there I was sleeping - kind of and I had this feeling of someone or something telling me it will be ok. It was almost a feeling of me being raised up/picked up from a fall; kind of odd, but comforting. I sometimes think way too much about religion and the cult like tendencies it instills in those who chose to follow a certain sect and maybe I shouldn't. What religion is, I think, is a layered process, complete with cult like guidance. However, I do also think that it provides people with hope and self confidence, that somebody out there is looking out for them, believes than can do it, gives them a reason to push themselves. That is why I think Missy E., Kayne West and Reba always thank God first. They are not thanking him for writing a bible which provides the basis for Right Wing discrimination; however, they are thanking him for giving them a sense of spirituality. A sense of pushing themselves beyond their limits with the understanding that if you fall, he will pick you up. I'd like to thank my God for helping me have the strength to change gyms and wear that pink shirt with my cool vintage shorts from Value Village. On a serious note, I do feel that I am becoming more spiritual, not religious. There is a very important distinction. I find my God resides inside of me and I will look to him/her/it more often for guidance...ultimately we guide ourselves through life, but it’s always nice to know you have a safe place to fall if you should trip along the way.
